the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
