ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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