i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So here I am, sexting at work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize