I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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