She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
