I need to stop coming to work sober
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
