You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
