Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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