Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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