I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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