I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
