i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
