brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
