did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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