someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
