dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
