Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
