I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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