I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
