You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
