508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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