So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize