Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
