i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
