I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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