Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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