i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i need to put some appletini on your dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
