PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
