how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
