i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
