If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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