if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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