All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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