Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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