He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
