New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
