So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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