my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
