But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
