update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
