S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
