When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
