You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize