while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
