So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
