I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
soo... how was my night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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