You made me cry and you don't even care
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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