It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
