My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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