He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
