i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
