I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
