last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
