Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
