She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
