I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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