Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How many fucks given?
0.12846
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
