Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
