So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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