Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
