I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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