He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
