3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
there is glitter all over my balls
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize