Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
