arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
