Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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