It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
