I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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