I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
