I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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