Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
