yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize