He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
