Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
