Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
