there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
