you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sober January is a disaster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
