Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
