Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
