Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
