We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
