I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
