I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
