I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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