Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize