Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
