I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
