we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
