Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Of course I have a pirate flag
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
