Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
