well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
